Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
