I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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