Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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