Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
