Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
