Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize