the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
