I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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