Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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