What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
