I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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