Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
