Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
