i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
