when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Your penis caused this!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You left your phone here
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