the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
