Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
