Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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