Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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