So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
