weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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