Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
