My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
