Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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