does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
