no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
