i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
