oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
