SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
