this beer tastes like vomit already
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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