I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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