and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
