Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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