and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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