Sponge bath it is.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
