I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
