the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
