do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
