I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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