The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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