the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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