Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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