i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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