I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
