I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
