Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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