seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
