M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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