So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
