My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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