Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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