her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
