I just threw up on my dentist
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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