Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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