Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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