If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
