That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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