He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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