she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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