I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
