I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
