...so i touched it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
