yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize